Point: I Want to be a Ninja!

I want to be a ninja. How cool would that be? I’d get to run around in black PJ’s hiding my face, and assassinating evil shogun and ruthless samurai. I’d have those cool climbing claws for my hands and feet, and I would be able to scale the walls like a pre-Venom black-costumed Spider-Man!

Ninja are all about stealth. If a ninja were after you, you wouldn’t know it until five minutes after you’re dead.

And the ninja didn’t live by some silly warrior’s code. They did the dirty work. You think that your daimyo is going over-the–top with the taxes? Call a ninja. Your rival in the Imperial court is getting a little uppity? Call a ninja. In fact, any of the scenarios broached by AC/DC in the song “Dirty Deed Done Dirt Cheap” would totally apply for hiring a ninja.

My number one concern with being a ninja is the Inverse Ninja Law. I have to be mindful of how many ninja are with me when I go out ninjing. I don’t know about you, but being a killing machine is much more satisfying than being cannon fodder.

And the swords! Oh, man the katana so kicks the ass of any cutlass or other sword out there. Making a katana is more of a religious rite than a tool-making process. And the folds! It was a super strong blade that you could use as a bridge, if you had to cross a very short, very deep river, or crevasse, or something.

Ninja have no catch phrases. No avasting or ahoying for a ninja. And you know what they say about a life at sea…

Ninja bathe, pirates don’t. Women throw themselves at the silent, clean-smelling ninja. Pirates pay for sex, at least with women; if they want it for free, well, that's what cabin boys are for.

Who the hell would wear the frilly shirt from "Seinfeld" by choice? And shoes with buckles? What's wrong, matey? Shoelaces kicking your ass? Oh, yeah, nice patch. Bet that comes in handy when you're trying to determine distance...oh, wait, you can't do that with ONE EYE!

So, the comfy outfits, the stealthy nature, the kick-ass swords, the soap and the nookie all add up to a ninja being the real ultimate power.

-Zeepdoggie

Counter-Point: A Pirate's Life for Me!

I want to be a pirate. As a pirate you are outside of the law in that you don't care about it. You also don't have to rely on anyone else for means of support. Need money? Take it. Wanna drink some alcohol? Take it. Want a cheaply acquired DVD collection? Hell, I stole this computer I'm using. Piracy is the way!

Unlike the silent cowardly tactics of ninjas pirates will give you the courtesy of a monologue and there is no mistaking a cannon ball trailing a tail of smoke hitting you in the stomach and taking you overboard into the briny depths. Ninjas are the silent yet deadly farts in elevators of crime while Pirates are the raucous raspberries of tomfoolery and mirth. Providing a little pizazz to spice up your untimely demise, Pirates put the "balls" in ballistics.

Ninjas are the goth-kids-hiding-in-basements of the criminal world with their ridiculous all black pajamas rule whereas Pirates are the glamorous leather boot, frilly yet stylish shirt wearing rock stars. This helps for the ladies. Ninjas are bound to attract women who like the strong silent type and probably want commitment and babies and all that dither. Pirates appeal to the rich heiresses of nobility who are in for some adventure or just some simple slumming. No need to buy them gifts, put up with emotions, or meet the parents, no responsibility. Nail and bail, that's the Pirate way. In other words, complete freedom!

How many ninjas do you know? None if they are real ninjas. In this world of relative anonymity Pirates have catchy names and go down in history and live on as legends unlike countless ninjas who have left about as much personal renown as as stray dog. With their quirky phrases, outlandish behavior and awe inspiring fighting tactics, pirates get the most fun out of life.

-Sneaky Pete

::GringO::