Happy VD! Part 1

In the spirit of the holiday, and GringO’s inspiring story of doc-on-patient love, I have decided to share a story of medical intrigue and supreme embarrassment on my part. Plus, my balls have the starring role, which I know you all love! In a more figurative sense, of course.

This was just under two years back. I was going to the VA doc to get my annual check-up, to be sure that I was still the specimen of physical perfection that I am known to be. Every man out there knows about the joys of the hernia check, but once you get to a certain age, there comes along a new torture: the testicular cancer check. When this was first demonstrated to me by a Navy doc, I thought, shit, I’ve could’ve been using that as an excuse all that time! “No ma, I’m palpating the region and checking for abnormal growth!” There was plenty of normal growth already!

So doc is palpating the region, I’ve turned my head and coughed, and he says that he’s going to go ahead and check for anything abnormal. He asks if I’ve been checking myself regularly. I say, “Doc, you could time a soufflé with my checks!”
It is then that he stops palpating and says, “Hello…”
When a doc has his balls in your hands, you’re hoping for silence, or at least some medical jargon, not a greeting. So I say, “Uh, hi?”
He then says, “I found something!”
I come to on the examining table, and he’s looking at me and he says, “Yeah, I probably could’ve put that better…”
Why God, do I always get the doc with a sense of humor?
So he tells me he found something, and that I should go to dermatology.

I go to my dermatology appointment, and they tell me to strip. You all know me; I am so very shy. JK, LOL!!

The doc walks in, and it’s this incredibly gorgeous intern from UIC. She’s tall, brunette, slightly Asian…she reminded me of Asia Carrera. Yeah, definitely not a bad thing. And she says she needs to examine me, and check and see what it is on my schnuts. So I lift up the gown, and she does the cruelest thing ever done to me by a woman I haven’t slept with.

She drops to her knees, grabs my thunder, and then, in order to let light into her view, she tosses her head sharply to the right, flicking her hair out of the way.

For the women that don’t know, to a guy that is the signal for, “I am going to suck your cock, and I want you to watch.”

The rest of the examination was very, very difficult for me. When she finished, I wanted to stop her and say, “About your bedside manner…”

It turned out to be nothing more than an infected ingrown hair, and a lancing took care of it. A lancing performed by a very unsexy doc with short hair, and balls of his own. No hair flip there, thank God.

-Zeepdoggie