Two Bizarre Analogies

Today the Princess arrives! This is going to be awesome: I get a dog for one month! It’s been put off for a while, mostly by me, and sometimes by her mommy, but I get the Princess! Companionship in the form of a sloppy tongue and a tail that slaps paint from the walls. There’s a park not four blocks walk from my home, and it has a big field and a hill. Oh, the Princess and I are going to have so much fun.
Although, there may be one little oddity. I am meeting the ex-wife’s man today. He’s coming along to drop off the Princess. I don’t have a big problem meeting him. He makes one of my very best friends happy, and she is someone who deserves every happiness that God will give her. But, and this is so Neanderthalic that I can feel the brow ridge expanding, she is also my ex-wife. Anyone out there who’s been divorced knows the ugly, awful truth that I am about to utter: no matter how acrimonious or harmonious the divorce, no matter how poorly or how well you get along after the Big Split, you find it difficult to meet their new you. I’ve met her last serious boyfriend, and one that turned out to be not so serious. It was a lot like that first rectal exam; uncomfortable, even though it is inevitable. You just know that someone will have a hand up his or her ass today, and since you don’t have MD after your name, you can guess who gets to be the meat puppet. So you brace yourself, imagining what it might be like. You get to the doc and shake his hand, checking for finger size, rings, a large watch; you put on the gown and stand before him, asscheeks akimbo. And you find something out that day; having a hand up your ass is nothing at all what you assumed it would be.
And that is what it’s like, meeting your ex’s new you.
Today is also the day that my DSL, which has been, how shall I say, unsatisfactory over the past month, is supposed to get fixed. My blogs have been sporadic simply because I haven’t had DSL for more than four days in a row. I know it sounds terribly sad, but it usually takes me four to five days to write anything of what I call caliber for you, my readers. And I feel guilty every time I just WHANG! something up onto the blogosphere. I don’t want this to be a typical blog; you all deserve the very best. And since I can’t give you that, I might as well give you something different. Anyway, since SBC is my provider, and they have been out here five times now, the only thing I am confident of is that I shan’t be paying for DSL this month after a lengthy argument about what constitutes good customer service with my “SBC representative.” SBC and positive customer service experiences go together like cookies and dripping ass.