Have you heard about what you can’t bring on a flight anymore? Chap-Stick. Eye shadow. Water. Water? You can drink it if they serve it to you, but you can’t bring your own? I think once the airports see the marginal dip in profits from the vendors not selling $3 bottles of water that policy will change. Someone needs to give the security Nazis a chemistry lesson if they think that water is hazardous. Of course, 400,000 people die from drowning every year, so they might have a point. Maybe that’s what they’re doing; they’re saving you from drowning on your $3 bottle of water!
If you are flying from the US to England, the airlines won’t allow passengers to bring a book. Six hours on a plane, and you are forced to watch “The Shaggy Dog” or “Honey.” Continuously. You’ll watch one at least twice. In this country, we have laws against cruel and unusual punishment. And flouride in the water, but that's neither here nor there.
But hey, fuck literacy, right? Who wants to read books with all their facts and figures and research and entertainment? Let’s just rely on the media’s take on the world.
You can bring baby formula on board, but now that “the terrorists,” those guys and gals who “didn’t win,” know that, it’s only a matter of moments before they sneak the next explosive onto the plane in a baby bottle. At least, according to the media-fear machine. Then what? No breasts on planes, because of some woman ingesting just the right chemicals to turn her titties into flamethrowers? Why does that both frighten and excite me? I may die from a woman flambéing me with her death-breasts, but hey, I’ll get to see boobs…
Seriously, if there are no boobs on flights, I’ll swim to Europe, thank you very much.
Part of me really hopes this stops people from flying, like 9/11 was supposed to but didn’t. Never mind that it’s been the safest way to travel for the last thirty years, and that it can cross distances in hours that would take days by the second fastest mode of travel. I don’t want Americans to stop flying out of fear. I want them to stop flying because of the inconvenience; because they will say, “Enough already! When will you stop blowing the safety thing out of proportion and just let us decide if we should take that risk? I’m not flying until you let me be an adult and bring on the plane what I want to bring on the goddamned plane!” And it will probably work, being that Americans are all about convenience. Something becomes too inconvenient, we don’t fucking do it. Look at this little device. Or anything on this page.
So when does it end? When will this world we live in cease to be dangerous? Never, so stop waiting for it. Get over it, now. We are constantly at risk of death. I admit that dying scares the shit out of me; it’s totally irrational, but there it is. Yet I still go outside and live my life, being fully aware that at any minute my life can end from a bad driver, crazed postal worker, or a meteor streaking from space. Odds of that are near a trillion to one, so why isn't the media hyping that up?
Note:
Kudos to the USPS for its change in personnel policy. When was the last time you heard of a postal worker going bananas and killing his/her coworkers? Whatever they did, it worked. Much to the newsmedia's chagrin, I'm sure.
-Zeepdoggie
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